Assumptions

We are all guilty of it.  Most of the time we are unaware of the snap judgements we make about people and our settings.  While judgement has an often-negative connotation, most judgements are benign such as which clothes we wear, and the best way to start our day.  Others however, are more impactful and can deeply harm our relationships with others.  We all know assumptions, especially negative ones, are not healthy, yet we continue to make judgements based on nothing more than our presumptions.

One of the main themes in Crystal Moon is that we should always be careful what sort of conclusions we come to, especially in marriage.  It is a part of human nature to assume the worst, especially if there is an argument or a relationship hasn’t been going well.  Sometimes there are other factors such as a bad mood, alcohol, or simply an inability to empathize with another person.

Usually, the more negative assumptions we have about a person, the more wrong we are.  There are of course exceptions, toxic people do exist and they are more common than we would like to believe.  Everyone that has gone to school knows that first hand, and perhaps when we become adults we are on guard against such toxicity.  It is easier to assume the worst and be on the defensive then it is to be vulnerable, especially opening ourselves to someone who will betray that trust in the future.

Most of the time negative assumptions do nothing more than get us into trouble, especially if we lash out first before discussing them.  I have come to believe that people are more emotional than rational, especially when they are fired up.  When we are upset and believe another person has wronged us, in that moment we want to fight, and more importantly win.  This is the sort of mess the main characters find themselves in.  Both the husband and wife come to conclusions about one another, and instead of discussing their fears and concerns, the real issue at hand continues to spiral out of control.  When this happens in fiction it creates plot, but in real life it can cause irreparable damage.  When we are accused of doing or feeling something we aren’t guilty of, we feel angry, that there had been an injustice done upon us. May we learn from characters in fiction and be better than that, remembering how it feels to be on the receiving end of untrue assumptions.

Showing, Telling, and Life

This is a little off-topic for me, but it is something that I have been thinking about for a while.  I haven’t been sure if it is something I could put in my blog or not since I try to keep the theme of writing.  I decided to dive into it because I feel it is important and can be connected to writing.

An author is expected to “show” not “tell” while developing a story, or in other words lead the reader to water don’t force her to drink. That had got me thinking, what if everyone was expected to do that not just authors?

I know, it is pretty crazy, but imagine a world where people proved they were good instead of simply saying they were?  Isn’t that the way things are supposed to be anyway?    I have had actual experiences like this.  I knew a habitual liar who claimed to be a good person, even after lying to children for over a year.  I knew someone who bragged about having above average mental health because said person was in treatment.  If this stuff is true, why say it?  If someone is honest or has good mental health shouldn’t that be obvious and not needing to be announced?

 

 

Instead of saying you are a good person, show it.  Actually, it is probably better if you never say it at all.  We all have slip-ups, and that sort of stuff can come around to bite you.  Just look at the current political season, that is evidence enough right there.